


Humpty Dumpty

by TheQueen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amnesia, Kidnapping, M/M, Rape/Non-con References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:11:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQueen/pseuds/TheQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>All the king's horses and all the king's men</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Couldn't put Humpty together again</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Great Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own Nothing but my OWN IDEAS

_Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall._

Remus sighed for the millionth time that afternoon and started to pace the length of the hospital waiting room for the millionth time since they had rescued Sirius from the claws of Greyback.

"Remus?" asked Lily slowly and Remus paused mid-step. "Remus, um…tea?" she asked finally, handing Remus a plastic cup.

"Thanks, Lily," said Remus curtly and took a sip. She backed away slowly before quickly joining James in the corner of the room. Not that Remus could blame her for being scared. The last time he had seen her was three months ago, when he had almost killed her in a rage-induced frenzy. He hadn't meant to, but the next day would have marked the seventh month Sirius had been missing and without its mate, the wolf had always been unstable. Adding his own worry and you ended up with near murder.

Time passed slowly as the group waited for word on their friend's condition. It felt like an eternity had passed before finally one of the braver nurses had stepped out of the safety of Sirius's room and had approached Remus.

"Your husband is awake," said the nurse and Remus felt the wait of the world being lifted off his shoulders, "But…I suggest you don't go in."

Remus felt the wolf rear its head and he growled in annoyance, "Move. Now."

Terrified, the nurse jumped aside as he stormed past with James and Lily on his heel. Pushing the door open, he was happy to see that the nurse had not lied, Sirius was awake and staring out his window with an unreadable.

"Love!" he cried, running to him and pulling Sirius into his arms, "Love, I've been so worried. I've searched for you everywhere and…" his lover's face gave him pause as Sirius looked up at him in confusion. "What is it, love?" he asked.

"Who are you?" Sirius asked with complete sincerity and Remus felt the world spin one more time.

**…**

Sirius felt guilty, horribly guilty about what he was going to these people, James, Lily, and Remus, his friends and lover that he knew nothing about. From what he could gather, he had met the three in Hogwarts, a school for witches and wizards located somewhere in Scotland, and that Remus and he had become lovers sometime in their fifth year of schooling. But it was one thing to be told and another to remember, and he remembered nothing. The nurses even had to tell him his name.

Out of all of this though, he hated hurting Remus the most. They were lovers, mates, and he couldn't remember that. Ever since he had returned from the hospital, Remus had tried to stay upbeat and happy, but Sirius could tell it was forced. His smiles were always strained and whenever he would happen upon him by chance, his shoulder's were always slumped in defeat. And no matter how he tried to help Remus cheer up, he only seemed to make it worse.

If he made him a cup of coffee, he'd smile at first and then after taking a sip, he'd always frown. Sirius didn't have to guest that he had made it wrong.

When he had found out that Remus was a werewolf, he had accepted it with open arms, much to the surprise of everyone who had known of his imprisonment at the hands of Greyback (whoever that was, he didn't really understand that story all to well). That had kept Remus smiling for a whole week, a record for Sirius, but then it had fallen when everyone found out he didn't know who Padfoot was.

If he would play the piano, Remus would frown though Sirius knew he was playing right and that gave him pause. When later he had asked James, it turned out that his former self had despised piano.

No matter what he did, he would never be like his former self as he was now calling it. Sirius liked to look at this as if he had been reborn into the same body, but with a clean soul. Maybe that was why he had forgotten everything. Not because of the trauma that Greyback had induced, but because He had given him a second chance at a happier life…one that Remus and he could create together, that is if Remus would ever be able to let go of his former self.

_Humpty Dumpty had a great fall._

"Hey, Remus," Sirius said, taking a seat next to the werewolf on their old beaten couch, "What you doing?"

Remus looked startled to see him, but gave a strained smile anyway, "Nothing, just doing some work for Dumbledore."

"Want to tell me about it?" Sirius asked, settling down and holding his breath to see if Remus would answer.

Then slowly Remus's smile turned real and Sirius had never seen a person so beautiful. Unable to take his eyes off Remus' own beautiful golden ones, he felt his heart start to beat faster and faster and then slowly…oh slowly as if approaching a dangerous animal and in a way, Sirius mused, he was.

Cocking his head to the right and leaning so close so that his breath ghosted over Remus' own smiling lips, he asked for permission with his eyes.

Remus didn't know what to make of this, one second he was talking about ancient runes; the next Sirius was so close that he could taste the smell that was only that of his mates. Copying Sirius, he leaned forward and with an answer to Sirius's question, he closed the distance between the two and it was like tasting heaven all over again.

Remus' lips dance against his and Sirius gives everything as he fell. Like magic in its rawest form, just like how the movies said it would be. And he was flying…or falling…or floating, he didn't know and he didn't care. For the first time se he had woken up in that hospital room, the word finally made sense and he allowed himself just to feel. Remus tasted of honey and the chocolate and Sirius briefly wonder what he tasted like before Remus is bringing him back with a swipe of tongue against his and now they're battling for dominance.

And by this point, Sirius is sitting in his lap and he can feel how Remus' body is reacting to his own and he move his hands from Remus' hair and start to trail his fingers along Remus' sides. One of Remus' hands have slipped under his shirt, pushing him forward and the other has a firm grip in his long hair. And then Sirius is un-tucking Remus' shirt and just as his fingers gaze along Remus' lower abdomen. Giving a breathy moan he, he traced patterns along Remus' arms and up his shoulders to his hair where he tangled his fingers in his locks.

And then he was falling as his back and his back connected with the floor as the wind was knocked out of him. Finding himself, he slowly lifted himself onto his forearms to see Remus pacing back and forth, mumbling to himself.

"Why?" he asked, so soft that Sirius could barley hear, "Why? Why? Why?"

"Remus?' he asked, rising himself so that he was sitting in an upright position against the sofa, Indian style, "Remus…what?"

Remus paused in his pacing and looked at him before shaking his head, "Sorry," he said

"Did I…did I do something wrong?" Sirius asked

Remus shrugged and started pacing again.

"Remus, we have to talk," Sirius insisted, "We have to take about this!"

Remus shrugged, "There is nothing to talk about," there was a strain to his voice that Sirius chose to ignore.

"Yes there is!" Sirius insisted getting up and walking over to Remus and laying a hand on his shoulder, "We have to talk about us! We're lov…"

"You are not Sirius!" Remus shrieked, temper gone

Startled, Sirius took to steps back, eyes wide.

"Sirius was never careful," Remus snarled, "He was brash and arrogant and cock-sure of himself. He was always the one cracking jokes and smiling and laughing. He was never the shy one."

"And whose fault is that?" Sirius snapped back, "It's like walking around bloody eggshells with you! Half the time I don't know if you're going to hit me or not!"

Remus' eyes widened as he looked over at this other Sirius, he was not use to this Sirius asserting himself at all.

"And if I'm not Sirius then who am I?" Sirius continued, face twisted in rage

"Not someone I know," Remus hissed back.

And Sirius deflated, tears blurring his vision, "I'm trying," he shrieked, voice hoarse, "I'm trying to be the one you want because I love you! Not Sirius! Me!" he swallowed, "But you'll always love Sirius…so who knows why I'm trying," he hissed and then he ran, leaving behind one very surprised werewolf.


	2. King's Men

_All the king's men and all the king's horses_

"What do you mean he ran out?" James cried

"I…I lost my temper," Remus sighed, collapsing into the chair, "I lost my temper, told him he wasn't Sirius."

James shook his head in disbelief, "Why?"

"Because…because everything he did reminded me of 'us' but…he'd always then say or do something that wasn't and…I snapped," He sighed

Lily shook her head, "And what did you suspect?" Lily asked, "That once you saved him then you could go back to living your lives as if nothing had happened?"

"I had hoped," Remus whispered.

"Do you know where he is now?" James asked

Remus shook his head 'no', "He ran out and I haven't seen him since."

James groaned, 'God you have fucked up bad, Remus!"  
Remus nodded, "I know, but how do I fix it?"

James shrugged, lost for an answer, "Can you?"

"I…I have to try, don't I?" Remus asked, "I love him."

"Leave it to us," Lily said, "We'll get him." and then she added, so soft that Remus could barley hear, "Besides, I doubt he wants to be near you anyway."

Remus thanked them and left, hating how much Lily's comment stung.

**…**

"Albus," Sirius greeted as he walked int6o the Headmaster's office. It had been two months since he had left Remus and, low on cash and without a key to get into his vault, was now staying at Hogwarts under the ancient professor's protection.

"Hello, Jasper," Dumbledore greeted.

Taking his usual sweet, he thanked Dumbledore for the lemon drop before settling back to wait for the session to begin. Two weeks after he had left, he had changed his name to Jasper. After all, Remus was right. He wasn't Sirius and he wasn't going to try to be.

"Lily and James have been looking for you," Dumbledore said, setting his pen aside and looking at Jasper over his half moon spectacles.

"They're looking for Sirius, not me," Jasper said, "And right now I have no need or want to speak with them."

Albus sighed, "This isn't healthy. This separation from yourself and your past will come back to haunt you, Jasper."

Jasper shrugged, he knew how Albus hated what he was going and how long it had taken to convince the man to call him anything, but Sirius. "I can't be what they want me to be," he said

"They want you safe," Albus said, "Safe and happy."

"That isn't all they want," he said bitterly.

"Remus…" Dumbledore sighed, "James and Lily are worried about you," he said after a pause, not wanting to go down that route at the moment.

"Has he tried to find me?" Jasper asked

Dumbledore shook his head.

"I can't be a part of Lily and James's lives because then I'll get close to him…and the thought of being so close and him hating me so much…it's too painful," Jasper said, leaning back in his seat with eyes closed, "I love him so much and not just because Sirius loved him. Keeping them far away hurts less."

Dumbledore sighed, admitting defeat at the moment, "Have you started to remember anything, yet?" he asked changing the subject.

Grateful, Jasper jumped on the new topic, "Just that dream…yellow eyes and lots of laughter.

**…**

Pulling out of the memory, the first thing he did was turning around and punched Remus.

"James!" Lily cried, jumping between the two men.

"He deserves it, Lily!" James growled, "Don't deny it."

"We're hurting enough, James," she said, "We've hurt enough."

Clambering to his feet Remus didn't act as if he had been hit or had heard the conversation. Instead he stumbled to his seat like a drunken zombie.

"You have to talk to him," Dumbledore said, removing the memory from the pensive and putting it in a small blue vial labeled 'Jasper'.

Remus didn't say anything and continued to stare at his lap.

"He's starting to remember what happened to him at the hands of Greyback," Dumbledore said, "He'll need you."

Finally Remus looked up; "I want to help…but how?" his voice was hoarse yet showed that the now carried a glimmer of hope when Dumbledore had said Sirius would remember.

"Talk to him," was all Dumbledore said.

**…**

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

Jasper sighed and set down the stirrer. Wiping his sticky hands on a towel, he made his way to the door. He figured it was Albus because no one else knew his address.

Without thinking to check who it was, he pulled the door open, "Hell…o?" he said, confused beyond belief.

"Hey," Remus said shifting uncomfortably under Sirius's stare. After a few minutes of silence, he asked, "Can I come in?"

Jasper nodded dumbly and moved aside for Remus to come in before closing the door and locking it. Turning around, he was surprised to see that Remus had already headed into the living room, his shoes and coat tucked away neatly in the closet and Jasper had to wonder if he had been here before.

"It used to be our old place," Remus said, answering his unspoken question, "We had already started dating and you had convinced me to come live with you. It was the first flat we had ever gotten."

Jasper nodded, a bit upset that he couldn't remember it, but having already he gotten used to it, he didn't show it, "Really?" he asked, "Albus never said that."

"I suppose he was hoping you would remember," Remus said tactlessly

"He should know I don't want to remember," jasper snapped back.

Remus blushed, "I'm sorry, Si…"

"Jasper, my name is Jasper," Jasper snapped

Remus nodded, "I'm sorry, Jasper. I didn't mean anything by it."

Jasper nodded, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. There was no way for you to know…speaking of which, how did you find me?"

"I…I asked Dumbledore," Remus said

Jasper nodded taking a seat next to Remus on the coach, "Why are you here, Remus?"

"I…I want a second chance, Jasper," Remus said, "I want to give us a second chance."

Jasper's eyes narrowed, "I'm not Sirius and I never will be."

Remus nodded, "I know," he said, "But...by God I still love you and isn't just because you look and sound and smell like Sirius. I really do love you, Jasper. It was just…"

"Just what?" Jasper said he refused to let his boundaries down until he knew what Remus said was true, though he couldn't stop that small flame of hope start to spread.

"It felt like I was betraying Sirius," Remus confessed, "If I fell in love with you, I was letting go of his memory."

Jasper bit his lip, "Remus…I'm…"

"And I know it was selfish of me," Remus continued, "To push you away and hurt you like I did. I'm just…I'm confused and that isn't an excuse…just an explanation."

Jasper nodded, "I'd love to give us a second chance."

Remus positively glowed with happiness at the sound of it and as he watched Sirius/Jasper (for they would forever be the same person to him no matter how he tried to separate them) smile back, he couldn't help, but lean forward and kiss him. It was sweet, innocent, and chaste, but it still set off a reaction between the two.

Jasper was surprised and it showed while Remus looked sheepish, "I'm sorry," Remus said, "I shouldn't push it."

"It's okay," Jasper said, "I like kissing you, but I'd also like to take things slow.

"I understand," Remus said, "I can do slow"

**…**

And so they did. They most intimate they got was a quick peck on the cheek or lips, but nothing beyond. They slept in the same bed and Remus loved being able to cuddle up close to his sleeping mate and pretend that nothing had changed. They talked too. Lots and lots of conversations that rarely touched on anything important, but they did talk.

Jasper learned all these new things about Remus that he had never imagined. Like how the man had an odd obsession with all things chocolate and that his favorite book (though Remus had begged Jasper not to tell) was Pride and Prejudice. He had learned that Remus was extremely ticklish (that had been a very fun afternoon) and he had a thing for cats despite his obvious dog-like statues.

Remus never thought that he would fall in love with this new-Sirius as he had. He had been wrong in his earlier assumption and was…in a way moving past what once was and reentering the present thanks to the quirky character that he now lived with. Jasper was in a way just as Sirius had once been before the war had tainted him and yet…all his own. And it wasn't just things like how he loved cats while his Sirius had hated them or that he preferred peppermint to chocolate (though how was beyond him). It was the small things like how his eyes twinkled and his body shock with silent laughter that set him apart from the memory of Sirius' loud bark of laughter. It was how he was going vegetarian and had a great empathy for animals, claiming that he would (once he had gained his foothold in this new world and the war had ended) that he would start fighting for their rights like better living conditions and trainers. It was how he liked to cuddle up close and be held while Sirius had always kept the more dominate position in their relationship. And the more that Remus learned about Jasper, the more different he became from Sirius until it scared him yet drew him closer as he tried to unravel the mess their lives had become.

And despite all of this, there was always that looming elephant of fear that soon one of them would screw up and they'd have to finally talk about their past and their future. But the couple couldn't bring themselves to take that final leap to recovery and so stayed silent and only lived in the now. And maybe if they hadn't had been so scared to lose it all then they wouldn't have.

"Hey, Remus!" Jasper greeted as his…boyfriend? (Maybe not yet)…friend walked in through the door.

"Hello, Jasper," Remus said, setting his things down and taking a seat at the kitchen counter. "That smells wonderful, what are you making?"

"Tofu," Sirius said and Remus groaned

"I'm a werewolf!" he complained, "I want meat god damn it!"

Jasper laughed, "Come now, we're going to Lily and James' later. I'm sure they have meat."

Remus just grumbled under his breath, but let it go. "So…" he started

"Hmmm," Jasper hummed to show that he was listening.

"I was wondering if you'd want to…you know…go on a date after James' house." Remus said, red faced.

Jasper set down his spoon and turned around, disbelief on his face, "Really?"

"Only if you want to," Remus said.

Jasper nodded, "Yeah, I'd love to, but why?"

"Well," Remus said, "Its seems right since we're living together that we go on a date. It'll be our first," he added

And Jasper didn't know what overcame him. It was the same rush he had felt when he had seen Remus smile all those weeks ago like liquid happiness had been injected into him. _Their first date!_ Remus had been on dates before with Sirius, yet he had claimed it to be their first…it meant that he had accepted Jasper as his own person and not apart of Sirius. It meant that Remus loved him, not Sirius!

Throwing himself at Remus, he pulled him into a kiss that far surpassed and made up for all the small excuse for a kiss that he and Remus had been sharing for the past. Lips dancing across lips, tongues tasting tongues, fingers dancing across heated skin and tracing patterns along stomachs. Suddenly, Remus was lifting, talking him into he living room and toasting him on the coach before rejoining him.

Now Remus wasn't entirely sure what had happened, but it wasn't like he was complaining. He had been longing to feel his mate's body pressed up close to his like this for months and this was truly worth the wait. Ripping his lips from Jasper's, he pressed them against his neck, kissing and biting and licking, making sure everyone knew Jasper was his and his alone.

Jasper gasped in surprise and threw his head back and moaned. God it felt so…

Remus didn't know what he was doing, just switching into autopilot and feeling. The smells, the sounds that s…Jasper was making was driving him wild and he could feel the wolf rising to have a taste of their mate.

"Mine," he hissed and felt Jasper shiver underneath him, "My Padfoot…my Siri,"

And they froze, Remus in shock and Jasper in disgust. Pushing Remus away he made to leave.

Remus grabbed his hand, "Wait, love, it was…"

Jasper ripped his hand away, "I don't bloody want to hear it!" And then he was running again.

**…**

Jasper sighed maybe he had overreacted. Remus knew him as Sirius and he had only just learned his new name…but… And maybe he shouldn't have let Remus kiss him so soon. It had only been a week after all. He groaned, his head hurt from all this, this confusion and jumbled up emotions. All he wanted was some peace, was that too much to ask for?

Collapsing onto one of the park benches that overlooked the jungle gym, in front of him where four little girls playing jump rope as they sang, "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the king's men and all the king's horses, couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again."

Sirius found himself humming along as he watched the children play.

**"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall."**

Slowly, he felt something stir in the back of his mind…a memory of sorts…A...a building…a red brick building…nestled on the outskirts of London…

**"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall."**

_"I think it's empty," James said, pocketing his wand as he looked up at the old building, 'Why Death Eaters would stay here is beyond me?_

_"We should still check," Someone said…him…he had set that!_

_James sighed, "All right, come on then. Lily's making meatloaf and I'd hate to miss it." James said already climbing the steps to the door._

_"Am I invited?" Sirius asked as he followed._

_James nodded, opening the door and not bothering to be quiet, "Of course, you and Moons are always invited. He took two steps into the house before tripping, setting off an earthquake._

**"And all the king's men and all the king's horses,"**

"Crucio!"

_Sirius jumped for cover behind a toppled sofa and James followed as three Death Eaters advanced on them._

_"Cover me!" James ordered before jumping up and firing spell after spell._

_Sirius followed, covering James's back as the Death Eaters started to back them up into a corner._

_"We've got to get out of here!" Sirius screamed._

_"How?" James asked_

_Sirius looked around, "The window. We'll have to jump. You go first and I'll follow."_

_"What!" James cried, dodging a killing curse and setting off a borage of stunners, "And leave you behind!"_

_"Is this really the time to argue?" Sirius called as they made their way towards the window._

_"Fine!" James cried, smashing the window with a hex, "But you better be okay or I'll kill you!" he called before jumping out of the third story window._

_About to follow, Sirius felt a sharp pain in his back and he knew no more._

**"Couldn't but Humpty Dumpty together again!"**

_Sirius groaned softly as his head throbbed. Opening his eyes, he squinted into the light._

_Towering over him was a smirking face with fangs and scars…and yellow eyes._


	3. Couldn't

_Couldn't put Humpty together again_

_Clawed fingers ripping down his back, dizzy form blood lost so much blood, lots and lots of blood. Chains rattle, foul smell like rotting corpses. The skeleton above grins. White fangs, biting…neck, arm, leg._

_He laughs, loud, cruel. "You're mine," he hissed, hot breath against ear_

_Whimpering, was that him? Or another prisoner? So many waiting to be turned…monster._

_Turned around, dirt in cuts bloke the blood flow, but stings. He smells like blood and meat, rotting meat._

_Yellow eyes and white fangs sneer down, "All mine."_

**...**

Jasper woke with a gasp, panting and sweating and clawing at an invisible fore. Blankets twisted and tied around him during one of his frequent nightmares were kicked off. Stumbling up and towards the window, he took greedy breaths. The cool September air crisp and chilly, but felt so nice against his hot skin. Soft breeze pulled at his hair, as if pushing him away, he leaned forward.

Nightmares…he wished they were just nightmares. They were memories. Memories of his imprisonment and his time with Greyback. The mere name brought shivers and he looked over his shoulder as if to make sure the werewolf wasn't lurking in the shoulders, watching him. He wasn't. But it still felt like he was there. An omniscient presence that lurked in the corners and waited to strike. He needed to get out of here, he needed the fresh air. Donning a winter coat and shoes, he ran out of the room like hell was on his heel till he could run no more and he was leaning against the wall of the school, panting.

He was tired of running away.

Tired, that's what he was…just tired. Walking the desolated halls of Hogwarts, a place that must have held so many happy memories for him, memories he would never know, he felt the ache in his bones and the haze of his mind clearer than ever before.

Alone, he was also very alone…James and Lily had sent hundreds of owls over the past four months, but they didn't care for him, they cared for the one they had lost, the former Sirius Black. The one who could remember how to make Remus' coffee and the one who remembered the Halloween prank they had pulled in their fourth year. He wasn't Sirius anymore and…if he was honest with himself…he didn't want to be.

He was tired of having to play this game of guessing. And really…the only one who could fix it all, who could ever make him wish to remember who he once was, was the person who never wanted to see him again. Remus…Remus the werewolf, the man who held both lives' hearts in his clawed hand and only took care of one.

Letting his feet carry him, he reflected on what he must have once known and liked to pretend he still remembered. Of happy days pranking unsuspecting students and running alongside his friends with only the moon as their witness.

Turning left, he started to climb a whirling staircase

But those times were long gone and the only memories he had was of pain and disappointment. Was it worth it? He had been given tow chances at life, one as Sirius another as Jasper. Two chances both seem to end in sorrow.

Looking up from the floor, he found himself at a crossroads. To the right was the hallway that leads to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore had been so kind to him. Letting him stay here after he had left Remus and listening to him when he needed a shoulder to cry on. Dumbledore had become his rock, a sort of father figure that Sirius could go to for help. The one to the left was the continuation of the stairs that would lead to the top of the Astronomy tower.

He turned left.

Up and up he climbed, his head urging him to go back down, to talk to Dumbledore, but his heart was urging him forward and he was tired of thinking. The room was small, with three large windows on each of the walls for stargazing. He walked over to the left one, the closest one and climbed up.

Steadying himself on the ledge of the window, he looked down at the ground he couldn't see, covered in the dark mist of the night. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself, the sudden urge to through up hit him, but he pushed it down. God had given him two chances at life, neither one he wanted and with that thought in mind, he took two steps forward to healing.

_______________________________________________________  
 _Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,_  
 _Humpty Dumpty had a great fall._  
 _All the king's horses and all the king's men_  
 _Couldn't put Humpty together again_  



End file.
